I work with lots of people helping them make positive changes in their life. Generally people come sayinfg they have tried everything - people only come to see mre when they are stuck, so over the years I have gained quite some insight into what works and what does not.
It all boils down to what I call our core beliefs. What I mean by this is not what we think philosophically necessarily, but what we believe about ourselves: what we can do; what we cannot do; what we are like; what we do; what we like; our relationship to things and people. These core beliefs inform our thinking, and our thinking informs our actions.
So if we want to make something happen, like giving up alcohol, for example, we can know it is a great idea for us with so many benefits, but can struggle. Alcohol is not necessrily a bad thing, there are many positives to moderate alcohol consumption. If we believe that these benefits are relevant to us we will be thinking that we really like the taste of it and we enjoy the effect of it. Add to this we may also think of alcohol as a treat at the end of work, or that it enhances a meal, plus it helps us socialise then we can see the decision to stop becomes ever trickier.
When our beliefs are in conflict with our decision then there is no way we can make consistent change. We may be able to succeed briefly, but soon enough we will follow what our thoughts tell us. So the handy thing to do here is to look at those core beliefs. What could we start to tell ourselves that would change those beliefs? In relationship to being sober it may be thinking about all those mornings feeling bright and well, maybe feeling fully hydrated, the thought of having a full and clear memory. It could be the imporved health and imporived energy levels and mood.
Nearly all my work will look at what it is about our beliefs which is stopping us achieving our goals. Then we need to look at how we can bring these two things, beliefs and goals into alignment. When this happens the change will happen, all by itself.
